Like many young girls, I used to day dream about what I would name my future children. I remember my best friend Holly in our early high school years used to pride herself on her made up names. She loved writing stories in English class and giving the characters in them crazy names. When it came time to name her own children, she didn't give them a crazy made up name but she did still go for ones that were pretty unique. We used to write our baby name lists, boys and girls, names we liked for our future babies with husbands we hadn't yet met. (They'd have been way too old for us if we met them back then anyway! Hahaha!) Anyway, Joshua was always on my list. I just liked it. When I was pregnant, I made a list of names I liked and it wasn't nearly as fun as it was back in the days, because naming your child is serious business. They are stuck with it for the rest of their life! Not only that, but apparently Rod didn't like anything I did and I didn't like anything he did! Fortunately, finding out the gender via ultrasound meant we were able to narrow down our options. Although I was actually hoping for a girl, it was a good thing he was a boy because we had even more trouble agreeing on a girls name!
My feeling all along was that he was a boy though. People have lots of things to say about what dreams mean in relation to a pregnancy, but I had a dream a few days before I got my positive pregnancy test with Joshua. I dreamt that I had given birth to a baby boy, and in the dream he was freakishly tiny and his neck was the size of my finger. He was in the hospital because clearly he wasn't normal and I was trying to breast feed him. Yes, this is a very weird dream, but the fact that the baby was a boy in that dream led me to believe that I was having a boy. Looking back on that dream, you have to wonder if it was some kind of premonition of the future - not only did I have a baby boy but there was something wrong with him. (Although he definitely wasn't small and freaky looking! LOL)
Anyway, I am getting off topic here.
I chose the name Joshua simply because I liked it. It was set in stone from the time I knew I was having a boy at 18 and a half weeks pregnant. His name was on his bedroom door before he was even born.
Joshua is a biblical name and it means God is Salvation. While I was pregnant, this didn't really mean too much to me, but after he was born, I couldn't help but feel that this was the perfect name for him.
I admit that while I believe in God, I am not overly religious in that I don't go to church or do things to actively worship. Sometimes I have a private word with God and I say grace before meals when my Nanna is around (LOL) but that is that. But after Joshua was born, I confess to praying to God every single night that he would let my baby be ok. And I know for certain that I wasn't the only one. Every time I gave my Dad an update on Joshua's condition, he would tell me he was praying and to make sure I was too, and many friends and family were also offering their prayers. Some people even said they would put him on their church's prayer list. While he was in intensive care, a lady and a little girl came around giving teddy bears to all of the babies in the Special Care Nursery. They were from a church and they told me they would pray for my baby too. I would like to think that they did.
Some people would say "If God is real, then why would he do something like this?" but I don't think that way at all. I think God was listening to everybody who was asking for Joshua to be alright.
People say "God works in mysterious ways". That "God doesn't make mistakes". For some people, a traumatic life event causes them to question their faith, but for me, it has cemented it. I thank God every day that I get to wake up to that adorable grin.
On another side note: Holly and I used to enjoy going to cemeteries. They intrigue me. Seeing the graves of old people doesn't make me sad. Of course they left behind people who missed them, but this is the circle of life and they had a good innings. What really gets me, are the graves of children and especially babies. I look at them and want to know what happened, why their lives were over so quickly. On our recently holiday we were in Cowra in NSW. They have a Japanese War Cemetery there, and it sits right beside a regular cemetery. So while Rod was looking at the war stuff, off I wandered, with Joshua in the sling, looking at all the graves. Most of them were not recent, they were 40, 50, 60 years old. Babies who lived just a couple of hours, or a couple of days. I looked at them with tears in my eyes because I have no doubt at all that if my Joshua was born all those years ago then he too would be buried in the ground. Hooray for modern medicine! In the 2008/2009 tax year, I paid more in tax than I could ever dream of earning now. And at the time, I wasn't impressed. But now, I don't mind at all because I know my baby has benefited from those tax payer dollars! Blessed we are to live in a country with a great public health system :)