Sunday, November 28, 2010

What do you say?

When people who don't know the whole story have random conversations with you?  Mostly, I say Nothing.  We were at Rod's work Christmas party the other night and we took Joshua with us.  He was the centre of attention.  Which is how he likes it!  All these women were telling me, "He is SO beautiful, SO SO beautiful" and "I have a 4 year old and I am just trying to think back and remember when he was this beautiful" and "Oh he is just so cute, so handsome, he is a beautiful, beautiful baby!"  Ok, I agree with all of these things, but I am his Mother.  Do these people not notice that he has a head the size of a 7 week old when he is 6 months old?  People often comment that he looks big, and people were telling me he looked older than 6 months.  Now, he is only on about the 30th percentile.  This means that 70% of 6 month olds are bigger than him.  So then I wonder if his small head makes his body look big and that is why people think he is big.  More than likely, it has nothing to do with it and people just make random comments to anybody about their baby, and they have no idea what they are saying.
And then there are the comments "So he is your first hey, has he been an easy baby for you?".  My fellow May Mama Shannon once described her daughter Luisa as her "Starter baby".  A nice easy baby to ease you into first time parenthood.  Well, I am not sure that you can describe the HIE experience as being an easy one.  So when a person asks me something like that, should I tell them the truth?  And watch their mouth fall open to the floor when I turn around and tell them that this "Beautiful baby" they are gushing over was actually born with severe brain damage and had to spend time in intensive care, is not expected to be normal, that his brain is not growing as it should be and that we have to spend our lives constantly worrying about the next milestone, and going back and forth to doctor's appointments and therapists.  Probably not.  They are just being nice and trying to make conversation, so I just smile and say "Oh yeah".  This kind of thing happens a lot.  The women that work at the post office, the nurse that takes my blood, people working in shops we go in...  all just trying to be nice and make conversation by asking about your baby.  I don't know them and it is not really any of their business, but I feel like I am a big faker, to just smile and say everything is fine, when really, it is a bit more complicated than that...    

At the Christmas party eating a Christmas Cracker

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